Lessons Learned

As much as soccer has brought highs in my life, it has also had the opposite effect. 

The first time I experienced a high-pressure situation with soccer was in the Danone Cup. My team, Mairena del Aljarafe, had beaten the top teams in Andalucia, including Cordoba, and Malaga. The semifinal was against Sevilla FC. We tied the game which ultimately went to penalties. I still remember the feeling inside me as I was lining up to take the kick. I walked towards the ball crying because I didn't want to take the penalty. I was unconfident in my ability to score the penalty. I was unable to handle the situation and I missed the penalty. Often times I wouldn't be 'convocado" to the squad on weekends and was forced to watch my teammates play. That hurt. I felt inferior, demotivated, and believed I was a bad player. It was through experiences like these that I grew to be resilient. 

My junior year at Soka University was defined by ups and downs. I had become the all-time topscorer in Soka University's history. I had broken all the records and received all the awards possible. After scoring 10 goals in 7 games I felt as if I could lead the team to a new all-time high. The goal was to reach playoffs. Then, during a match, I received a tackle and broke my ankle in 3 places. The sight of it was gruelsome and the first thing that popped into my head was "I'm never able to play soccer again." Three days later I had surgery and after 4 months of intense rehabilitation, I was able to play again. The next season came around and I was fitter than ever. I set the school record for the beep test. It was my senior year and I had intentions of playing professional soccer after graduating. Halfway through the season, I was tackled, again, 5 meters from the spot I had broken my ankle only 13 months earlier. I broke both bones in my arm and was out for the rest of the season. Having a dream taken away from you in split seconds, not once but twice, is painful. The only thing I could do is work, day by day, step by step, to heal and continue working. 

I had surgery on my arm on October 29. On January 23 I was in North Carolina for a tryout with Charlotte Independence. All of the injuries didn't matter anymore. I had tryouts with professional soccer teams. All of a sudden I found myself surrounded by players that had played in Division 1 and in academies of pro teams. I had to perform.

After a week of training, I was not offered a contract and returned back to Orange County where I joined OCSC for their pre-season. I trained with them for 2 months, driving to Irvine in the morning, and taking classes in the afternoon. Trainings were hard. I had to prove myself every single day and I became that kid in Spain again. I couldn't even kick a ball straight if I wanted to. The simplest of things seemed impossible to me. I was insecure about my body. I felt weak. I had broken everything there is to break and my head was not in the right mindset. My self-confidence on the field was gone and it wasn't going to come back until I rested and healed (physically and mentally). Although I was never told to stop coming to training, there was no way I was ever going to be offered a contract. I was playing some of the worst soccer I had ever played.

Few people knew how I felt. In their eyes I was living the dream of training with a professional soccer team. Little did they know that every day I went to training I lost a bit more faith in myself. I was Yauri. I was supposed to be strong. I needed a period of recovery to find myself again. I didn't give myself enough time to heal. Life is full of ups and downs. Not a single person goes through life without moments of self-doubt. There are, however, tools and methods to help guide you through these moments so that you can minimize their impact. Physical injuries are visible and will have clear instructions on how to overcome them. Mental scars don't have these blueprints but require the same attention as the physical body. 

Being in South America and allowing myself time to think deeply about my experiences and got me back on track. I gave myself time and space to be vulnerable. I understood that my failure to become a pro soccer player was my responsibility. I also understood that I could not let it take over my life. I needed to get back to being that confident young man that was full of dreams and believed in himself.